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ANTARCTIC SHACK OF GIANT FROZEN ANCIENT ALIEN  AMATEURS REVEALED!

This photo of a Cyclopean double-pole double-throw toggle swtich jutting from the mountains of remote Marie Byrd Land gives new credence to hush-hush reports by South Polar explorers of giant alien hams buried in the ice, "lined up like fish sticks." 


WARNING! THE WRONG PHONES CAN MAKE YOUR DAMN HEAD EXPLODE!

The Ham Radio Safety Council urges all operators to avoid the wrong phones.  The issue was brought to light after a nasty head explosion was narrowly averted at a recent multi-multi contest station, when the 20 meter op noticed the adjacent young 40 meter op’s head suddenly looked overinflated by about 30 psi. Springing into action, the 20 meter op ripped the phones off his teammate’s head and surely avoided a big mess at a time when their contest club could least afford it. Further inspecton of the suspect phones revealed they were indeed wrong, very, very wrong.

 
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75 METER PHONE LOST AND PRESUMED MISSING!
"Didn't Just Get Up and Walk Away" sez FCC

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Notices have gone up on Post Office bulletin boards around the US after hams from coast to coast have forgotten just what the hell they did with 75 Meter phone. Last anyone can remember the band was over by the car keys, where it always is, next to the TV remote, the cellphone and the other sock.  There's no reward, but rather a general consensus that if anyone has information leading to the recovery of 75 meter phone, he best keep it to himself.


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DINOSAUR TEETH WERE RADIOS!

Ever since the invention of radio, people have received signals on their teeth.  But who knew dinosaurs both received and sent radio transmissions with their considerable choppers? No one, until a couple of ham paleontologists in Peru dug up a T-Rex incisor sporting rooster head knobs and a Velvet Vernier dial.  Does that demonstrably prove two way Thunder Lizard communication? Perhaps not quite, but where's there's short wave listening, ham radio is a pretty safe bet.


ESP THE NEW QRP?

In the quest for ever-greener, ever more micro communications, the world's smallest, most young-looking twin QRP operators have raised, or lowered, the bar, depending how you look at it, calling CQ with their minds. "We've yet to have a QSO, but when we do it’s gonna be a doozy,” exclaimed the diminutive duo in unison,  requesting anonymity for the sake of scientific rigor for the duration of this groundbreaking thought experiment. However, once they make that historic log entry, the twins will cease rattling around their mint tin shack and make themselves available for public appearances at actual flea markets.

 

 
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SHOCKER SWITCHEROO!

An anonymous whistleblower formerly employed by Goodboys Radio Relay League (GRRL) made startling accusations at a press conference today, claiming his exposure to ham radio in the workplace  led to his transformation into a silverfish.

“Ironically, I was tasked with convincing the general public that ham radio couldn’t possibly turn them into silverfish.  Yet it wasn’t a week after I received my Tech license and was put in charge of a booth at hamfests nationwide, when I found myself increasingly drawn to tubs and sinks ­- not to wash myself, but instead to scuttle down the drain like a bat outa hell.”

“Fortunately, I was too large to fit down the drain, but living in denial was impossible once children began to shy away from my booth, along with dogs, men, women, and police officers armed with semiautomatic weapons.

The crazy thing is, not everyone was terrified. I generated some of the best numbers of any ham radio recruiter, but had trouble sleeping nights, you know?  What if some of those hams became silverfish and shrank small enough to fit down a drain? 

“What if they scuttled down the drain and never came back? How could I face their family and friends?  Me, a giant, self-hating silverfish?

I never signed on for this,” exclaimed the disgruntled ex-employee. “On the other hand, ham radio itself is a fascinating, fulfilling, lifetime hobby, I’ll give it that.”